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I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at all the glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of Yup, still disturbing. I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.

"Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. And if asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did'.

You're probably familiar with Jack Handey's hilarious Deep Thoughts if you watched Saturday Night Live in the 1990's.

When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch?

A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side If you start reading this, you might, at first, think it's a lame quotations book, but as you read further, you'll realize it's actually not - it's a lame AND FUNNY quotations book.

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