Bottom line: the menfolk on dating sites appear to be 50% well-meaning guys that are hoping the love of their lives are going to spring, perfectly toned and full of wit, from the loins of their web browsers, and 50% who believe in the mantra “any hole’s a goal”. After skimreading an assortment of websites, I managed to work out the protocol; turn up at venue (more often than not, a bar in Hockley).If you think you could be that springy girl, or even that hole, then online dating is definitely worth a shot – and if you approach it with the right attitude, you may even make some friends out of it. Slap a badge with your name and number written in bold, across your chest (which means you’re good for a boob-peek, gents).
I’d missed my train home, so was late and was still dressed in my factory outfit, looking like a very camp Santa.You could also tell who of them had never done this before; they either had no questions and got all flustered, or - worse - had no answers. He was the only guy I wanted to ditch at the end of the night, but when I went to tick that box I caught him looking at me, his depthless eyes possibly showing a hint of sadness. Don’t get me wrong, one of the men there did get back to me.There were a lot of questions about what I did when I was working and what I did when I wasn’t working, which got boring very quickly; I toyed with the idea of making up a different life for myself with every person, but decided against it. I sat there for a very long four minutes as he vomited words at me, detailing his previous speed dating experiences in minute and geographically correct detail. I couldn’t bring myself to tick the ‘no’ box, so I settled for ‘friend’ and hoped that he hadn’t done the same thing. He’d fancied my friend, was a bit narked that she hadn’t felt the same way, and could I put a word in for him?Then he described his recent gym workouts in the same methodical, meticulous manner. Speed dating isn’t a bad way to meet people, if you disregard the stench of desperation that fills the room - the normal-to-weirdo ratio is heavily weighted towards the former, you’re in the same boat as everyone else and, unlike online dating, you know for sure that the man you’re talking to has his trousers on - but the question remains: how can you tell that you’d like to get to know someone better in just four minutes?I got on well with a couple of guys; maybe a wine or two later, I would have been throwing my phone number at them. Since the dawn of nightclubs, people have been using sweaty, shouty rooms full of loud music to try out their best chat up lines and find, well, if not love, then a bit of the other at ten to two in the morning. So, myself and a friend headed to one of the biggest meat markets in town, full of girls dressed for an evening under a lamppost at Forest Road West and blokes who - despite working for some big company, or at least pretending to - appear to have only one brain cell to rub against their seldom-used dicks. We swayed to the music, and tried to look like we wanted to pull.